Valuable Relationship Lessons from A Man Called Ove

Review: 3.5 STARS (rounded to 4 on Goodreads) 

A Man Called Ove is an endearing book about a grumpy old man who finds his solitude unexpectedly interrupted by some overly friendly new neighbors. When we meet Ove (pronounced oo-veh), we quickly discover that he is constantly bitter and irritable. But his personality creates a humorous tone throughout the book that you can’t help but love. Not only do we get some chuckles out of Ove’s cantankerousness, we also get to learn some very valuable life lessons. His life story, both past and present, can teach us a thing or two about how to build true and meaningful relationships with others. 

I personally love when the books we read leave us with something valuable to take away and use in our lives. The lessons listed below are things that we may all already know, but are warmly reminded of by this novel. 

Check on each other often

It’s very easy to forget about the people that we don’t see and talk to often. This is true now more than ever in the age of technology that has us entranced into the world of social media and hours upon hours of human-less forms of entertainment. On the other hand, technology has also made it easier to reach out to our friends and family members to check in on them. Take advantage of that.

Find someone who complements you 

We’ve all heard that opposites attract, right? We all know that perfect couple or inseparable best friends who seem to be nothing alike in personalities yet work so well together. In A Man Called Ove, we see several different relationships grow among two opposing personalities which together makes for a perfect match. Whether it’s romantic or friendship, it’s good to always have someone in your life that knows exactly how to cheer you up when you’re down or how to bring out the silver lining when you’re constantly going on a pessimistic rant.  

Stick together through thick and thin 

Life gets rough for everyone. When we are having a hard time or are facing a challenge, we want to have someone to turn to for comfort, encouragement or advice. If you have someone like that in your life, then you know how invaluable this is. Imagine giving someone else this invaluable gift. Don’t abandon your friends when they are in a bad place. We sometimes tell ourselves that it’s not our problem or that we have enough of our own problems to deal with, but don’t let that be an excuse to take the easy way out and miss out an important friendship. If you’ve found a good one, chances are that it will be a two way street.

In the novel, Ove’s very pregnant neighbor, Parvaneh, is the perfect example of a friend who selflessly gives and doesn’t ignore Ove which she could have so easily done. She cooks him meals and checks in on him and in return he helps her whenever she and her husband find themselves in a pickle. 

Nobody is perfect but it’s love that makes them perfect

At first glance, Ove is not lovable. He lives his life on principle and spends his time patrolling the neighborhood to reprimand rule breakers. Furthermore, he is always complaining and criticizing every new thing that he comes across. I have to admit, I was a bit annoyed by the negativity at times. And although he undergoes a transformation through the course of the book, his personality ultimately does not change. That’s exactly what makes the book so heartwarming. It’s not that Ove learns to be an upbeat, bubbly person but that he makes new friends that love and care for him despite his  flaws. 

Sometimes people come into your life when you least expect them to

Ove was not expecting anyone to come knocking on his door. In fact, he was quite annoyed by the interruptions. Little did he know that he would soon form new friendships that would change his life. Real life often works in much the same way. You sometimes cross paths with someone who has an impact on your life when you least expect it and right when you need it the most. Some of these interactions turn into lifelong connections and others come and go just as quickly as they came after serving their purpose. Nevertheless, the takeaway here is to stop obsessing over finding the right person and be open to the interactions that come our way.

Our connection with others is what makes life meaningful 

The purpose of life is a concept that has been explored for countless years by philosophers, writers and artists. Frederick Backman writes this novel with a focus on one of the most crucial times in the human lifespan where this concept becomes very prevalent and that is in old age. What Ove’s journey reveals is that it’s the connections he makes with people in his life are what makes his life worth living. 

Take Action

I know these lessons may sound a bit fluffy and abstract. From a practical perspective, cultivating meaningful relationships require effort and actions on our part. So I will leave you with some simple actions you can take today to start improving or building your relationships:

• Reach out to a friend or family member whom you haven’t spoken to in a while. You may just make their day! 
• If you are a recipient of an out-of-the-blue text from someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, take the time to write a meaningful response. It may not be your soulmate, but you never know what can come of the encounter, no matter how brief.  
• Think of someone in your life who has gone through something unpleasant. Send them a message letting them know that you are thinking of them and are there for them if they need anything. It may not seem like much, and the person may not take you up on the offer, but it really helps to know that someone cares. 
• Instead of listing the attributes of your dream man/woman, try making a list of traits you wish you yourself had but may be lacking. You will want to try to surround yourself with people who exhibit those traits. But remember, you don’t need someone else to make you a better person! You are still capable of developing and growing on your own.
• We are all busy. So take a moment right now to schedule some time to jump on a video call with someone or to simply set aside your devices and spend time with your loved ones.